Being Extraordinary

"If there was a better way to go then it would find me

I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me

Be kind to me, or treat me mean

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine."

-Extraordinary Machine, Fiona Apple

I've always been someone for whom ordinary isn't good enough. When I was in my teens and 20s, I had a lot of things in my life that made me stand out in the crowd. My little successes--from my academic and athletic achievements in high school and college to landing a good job (then losing that job and landing a better one)--were important at the time, but it wasn't long into my mid-twenties that I realized my greatest victories in life were being won at a flip-cup table.

By 30, I still had a lot of things about me that I was proud of accomplishing. I had a job that I was good at and was well-compensated for showing up to every day. But no one hangs a medal around your neck for fixing the server or creating a fine-looking product spec sheet. I was good at my job, I had great friends and a wonderful family, but I didn't have anything that made me extraordinary.

And then one day, for whatever reason, I decided that I wanted to be extraordinary again. So, here I am, 110 pounds lighter than what I used to be, and 2 months into training for my second full marathon. And it feels great.

However, being extraordinary comes with a price. I've found that I need to stay focused and positive in order to believe in myself enough to conquer 26.2 miles again. The training is grueling at times, and when I most need it lately, some of the people upon whom I thought I could rely to make this process easier aren't doing so. I'm sure no one means to make it harder on me, but nevertheless they have.

I had my first mental breakdown of the training season during last Saturday's run. The run was absolutely brutal--the route covered 13 miles of 5 different snow-covered bridges and several daunting hills, including the much-feared Glibert Avenue hill up into Eden Park. I came to a point during the run where I knew I had it in me physically to complete the run, but I was just so down on myself that mentally I couldn't push through it and ended up walking some of it. This was the first time in a long time that I felt defeated. (And not at all extraordinary.)

I completed the run with my head held high, but I know it wouldn't take much more to defeat me. So, moving forward, my plan is to train as hard mentally as I do physically. Which means that along with all the evenings at the gym, I'm going to choose to spend my time right now with the people in my life who are going to be positive influences on my training.

Also, I will try to blog more... it definitely helps me stay focused. :-)