"There are times in life
when you gotta crawl,
Lose your grip, trip and fall
When you can't lean on no one else,
That's when you find yourself"
--Mountains, Lonestar
As a non-practicing Catholic who usually finds services boring and generally not applicable to my daily life, I just so happened to move next door to a Catholic church last year. Even with my parents being out-of-town (they usually drag me with them), I felt way too guilty not to attend Mass on the highest holy day... I mean, it's right next door. I don't even have to drive there. So, I woke up Easter morning and trudged over to St. Pius to get my Our Father in, chew up my host, and split. I got a lot of what I did expect out of the service--a packed roomful of families with little girls in pretty dresses, lots of pointless standing, sitting, kneeling and out-of-tune singing, and lots of bible readings that I've heard a thousand times but never once understood. But I also got one thing I didn't expect: a homily that was interesting, applicable and rather moving.
The priest told a story about a man who recently wrote a book about his experiences in a war camp in Nazi Germany. When asked how he survived the atrocities, he replied that when you are completely at the mercy of others, the one thing you still have control over is your attitude. While most of us are fortunate enough not to have to face the pain and suffering that the German author did--or that Jesus did, as the priest compared--we all have problems. But how we face those problems, and how we rise above those obstacles in life, is what defines who we are.
Last week was the most difficult week I've had in terms of training. I was in excruciating pain for most of the week with a pulled muscle in my lower back. I was uncertain that I'd be able to run the 18-miler scheduled for last Saturday. I walked for an hour on Wednesday and on Thursday despite the pain, and kept alternating between ice packs and heat. I hardly slept all week, and when Friday night came, I was a nervous wreck. What if I got 5 miles in and started to have pain? Or 9 miles in and had to walk the whole way back, hurting and feeling defeated? What if this doesn't go away and I can't run the race all my training will be for nothing? I tossed and turned all night worrying about it.
Saturday morning came and despite still being in considerable pain, I decided that I needed to take a distinctly different attitude. I can do this, I thought. I warmed up with a few minutes on the treadmill, and stretched a bit on the yoga ball before heading out to meet the group. A said a little prayer, and off I went.
I started off with the 11-minute pace group, thinking that I would just take it slow and easy until I figured out if I was going to have any pain or not. But at about 2 miles in, I felt good and broke away from the group to run at my normal pace (about 10:30). I continued to feel good until about mile 14, when the expected fatigue and soreness set in. When asked how I was feeling, I remarked to Coach Joe that ironically the only thing that wasn't hurting me was the pulled muscle.
Completing this run was a huge victory for me. I haven't been so proud of myself since the day I crossed the finish line last May. Distance running is much more about mental toughness than it is physical strength, and Saturday I really proved that to myself. My attitude is what made me even attempt to go out there and try it, when many people wouldn't have. For that, I am so proud... I haven't yet completed the marathon, but I now feel like I've already won.
